As you know, I'm not your regular doctor; in fact, I'm not technically a doctor however:  I do have my Doctorate of Jurisprudence if that is any consolation to you..

As you are aware, medical resources are in very high demand these days and therefore must be delivered to recipients through a very structured allocation process.

Notice that I am calibrating my words carefully, because I want to make myself clear.

As you must realize at your age of.....let's see what your records say, h-m-m-m-m.... 84, to government computers, your life expectancy is only one year.

So with that in mind, I regret to inform you that we cannot fund your requested emergency  procedure, which according to our calculations would run $16,899.  

That figure is determined by adding the cost of 332 stitches you would need to close those nasty wounds, using the finest cat gut string, the rabies shots, impounding the dog, antibiotics....you know how expensive those are, and various doctor and nurse charges, et ceterer, et ceterer....all when added together exceed your EWL, according to the EWL chart I have prepared for you. ( Economic Worth of your Life Government Chart Number 32223).

Now, please don't cry.

You wouldn't want us to take medical treatment away from younger person, with a higher viability of life quotient, see the Government Chart Number 43343, plus it is our stated policy, see Government Pamphlet 2A.

The decision is not appealable.    It comes from our Blue Ribbon Medical Committee, made up of a cross section of the community including members of Acorn, the United Auto Workers, the Teacher Union, and other nonpartisan groups

Do you have any questions...........Mom?

I know, I know, you're right. Michele and the girls will be mad, because, yes, you do live with us in the White House and it was our dog that bit you multiple times, but knowing what a patriotic American you are, you wouldn't have it any other way.  Right?  

I want to be clear on this.

Mom, we can make this work.  Yes, we can.  Now say it with me, Yes we can!

Good!

Now, I really wish you wouldn't start that again.  Crying too much can aggravate your eye condition, and you already know that there's a 3 month wait to get that taken care of.